Blood Red
by 2AM
Summary: Mac is attacked during her morning run. Mac's POV. Non-graphic violence. Really mostly about the confusion and Mac's feelings after the attack. Please R & R.


**Blood Red **

**Author:** 2am

**Disclaimer: **If I owned JAG i'd probably have enough money to buy myself a car and drive to Uni everyday instead of taking 2 hours per tour by public transport... so no I don't own them, I'm not making any money from this, so please don't sue me

**Genre:** Angst/Hurt/Comfort and a little bit of Romance

**Rating:** T

**Warning:**non-graphic violence

**Pairing:** H/M

**Summary:** Mac is attacked during her morning run. Mac's POV. Non-graphic violence. Really mostly about the confusion and Mac's feelings after the attack. Please R & R.

**AN:** Okay... this thing has been playing around in my head for a while I just wrote it down in one go. It's not beta'd and English is my second language so all mistakes are mine. Reviews make my day, that includes flames. I hope I got the rating right. It's slightly more on the angsty side... but it does have a fluffy ending. This is the first time I wrote an angsty story (well... at least I think so ;-) ... I'd really like to know what you're thinking...

Blood Red

She doesn't think before she reacts, plans nothing. Her movements are purely instinctual. Her training kicking in, bypassing her brain and telling her body what to do. Maybe that's why she isn't dead when the guy in the black ski-mask runs for cover, cradling his broken arm to his body. Something is making it difficult to breathe. She doesn't really know what it is.

When she turns her head she sees a knife lying on the ground next to her. She wonders where it came from. Whose blood is covering it. It's so red. The same color as the single long-stemmed rose she found on the desk in her temporary office this morning. She wondered if Harm put it there. Hoped that it was him. Considering her current whereabouts there is always a chance that it is just an enamored kid that left it there.

If it's not a kid it might be one of the teachers. She thinks of them as teachers. Though they might be called professors. Harm would know. He lived and studied here for 4 years after all. She'll ask him sometime. For a moment she isn't sure how exactly she arrived at this thought in her head then she looks up at the knife and remembers the rose.

If it is one of the teachers it's not gonna do her any good. She's returning to Washington soon. When she looks at the knife again it looks fuzzy somehow. Like someone spilled water over fresh ink. There's a dark fog lurking at the edge of her vision. Somewhere far away there are panicked voices. They don't seem to get closer. Like they are frozen in a spot someplace behind her. Or is it beside her, she is not sure right now.

Then something touches her side and suddenly the only thing that exists is the blinding pain that shoots through her body. First everything seems to be bathed in a light that is so white and dazzling that she can't see anything, that her eyes scream at her to shut them, because it's burning them. Then she realizes that there is no light there as she slowly sinks into darkness.

When she wakes up everything is still unclear like she's looking through dirty windows or maamaan-bozorg's glasses. There's a light that is shining straight into her eyes and her head hurts. The voices are closer now but she still can't understand what they're saying. They sound rushed and serious but the panicked edge isn't there anymore. It takes her a moment to understand that most of the voices are male now. Then someone leans over her. He looks like a clown without a mouth. She tries to raise her and against the dark mass that is about to cover her face but she can't move. She tries to scream but she can't really make a sound. For a moment there is a stab of pain somewhere in her body but she is so tired right now that she can't figure out what hurts. Then her lids slowly cover her eyes while she is still trying to...

She can't breathe. She can't breathe. Something's in her throat and she can't breathe. It feels like it's crawling down her windpipe. She tries to grab for it but someone is holding her hand. She opens her eyes and sees Harm's face hovering over her. He's saying something but his words don't register in her brain. His voice sounds soothing which doesn't make any sense. Why doesn't he help her? Why doesn't he stop that thing from crawling down into her body. It hurts.

A man in a white coat turns up on her other side. He's saying something to her while he reaches for her mouth. She can't really hear him, though. Don't they understand that she's having trouble breathing. There is a painful sliding sensation in her throat and she squeezes her eyes shut, hoping that this nightmare is going to end soon. Then she can suddenly breathe. Something is pressing against her face but she doesn't care. She can breathe again. Suddenly she feels exhausted. Like she's about a hundred years old and just ran a marathon. She can hear her drill sergeant's voice yelling at her about how marines don't faint, little girls and old people do. Well, she's feeling like a senior citizen right now, so she tells him to shut up.

When she opens her eyes the next time she feels decidedly better. The room is dimly lit by a lamp on the wall. There's an annoying beeping noise next to her. It's annoying. But she can breathe and that's a good thing. Harm is sitting on a chair next to her. He's slumped over and his head is lying on her bed. He's asleep. She wants to ruffle his hair but she can't move her hand because he's holding it tightly in one of his own hands. So she just gives it a soft squeeze. To her surprise he moves almost instantly, lifting his head and looking at her a bit disorientated.

She tries to say something but it comes out as a distorted mumble and much quieter than she thought. Harm smiles and tells her that everything is going to be alright. That she's safe now and that she should try to go back to sleep. Then he kisses her forehead and she decides that his advise is as good as any in the present situation and it's dark outside so sleeping seems like the right thing to do and closes her eyes. A moment later she hears how he picks something up that's lying on the table next to her bed. Then she hears him talk to someone. The last thing she processes are the words _she's awake_ said almost reverently by her best friend.

It takes a couple of weeks until her body fully recovers from the attack. The thing that troubles her is her mind. The fact that she can't go for a run in the park right now. She puts on her jogging shoes and her heart thumps so hard and fast she gets dizzy. When she gets to the parking lot at the park entrance she feels like she's going to throw up. She can't even make it to the gates. She's tried a couple of times. Then she gave up.

Harm tries to get her to talk. And she does. She tells him that she doesn't really remember anything (which is true) and that she's over it (which is a lie and they both know it). She goes back to work and she accompanies Harm on investigations. She even leaves the country and has a wonderful time at a conference in Europe. When the Admiral assigns her a case that requires her to go to Annapolis her heart seems to skip a couple of beats before it thumps rapidly against her ribcage.

That evening she tells Harm about the blood on the knife and the blood-red rose on her desk and the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach when she looks at her running shoes and the fact that she hasn't been in a park by herself since she was attacked by the guy in the ski-mask during their career-week-teaching-spree at the Academy and that she's not sure if she can do this. She also asks if he left the rose. Somewhere in between all the other stuff and the sobbing and the heartbreak that is turning her inside out.

She feels better when she's done. Her head lying against his chest hearing his heart beating strong and regularly and feeling him breathe. She falls asleep right then and there. When she wakes up the next morning Harm is already gone. A note on the bedside table tells her he got called in an hour ago by the Admiral. Next to the cup of coffee on the bar she finds a blood-red rose and a second note, scribbled hastily, he didn't have a lot of time.

When she enters the Academy Grounds a few hours later her heart is soaring some 20 feet above her. She feels safe and protected. Somehow. It doesn't make any sense that the knowledge that he left that rose for her months ago and a note saying _I love you_ this morning makes her feel like nothing can ever hurt her again. It's downright crazy that she can't seem to find the tiniest hint of fear, anxiety and pain inside herself. But then again... when does love ever make sense?

The end

AN: maamaan-bozorg is farsi for grandmother (or so the internet tells me)...

AN2: I am a psychology student at uni, so I'm aware of the fact that it's slightly more than a little ridiculous to assume that Mac would shake this of as soon as she knew Harm loved her... sue me, I'm a fluff-loving person... There's enough angst in the real world... I don't really feel the need to bring it (and all its mindnumbing horrible consequences here)

AN3: I have NO idea, if they have career days at Annapolis... for the sake of the story I decided to pretend they do. I was tired of the word "investigation" don't ask me why...


End file.
